All of the Things I Was On the Inside

Do you ever feel like you left yourself behind somewhere?

I wish I was braver. 

Only You

When I put my outfit on this morning:

Baggy, wrinkly linen dress and oversized, striped mesh-like cardigan,

Blue nails (China Glaze For Audrey) and excess gaudy jewelry,



I thought, "oh snap...I'm going to get hit on CONSTANTLY today." So I added these beauties to frump things up:

Authentic, orthopedic Swedish clogs. That ought to do it! Whew.

Heard this song for the first time in YEARS this week. Can't get it out of my head now. So beautiful.



To Our Love, Send a Dozen White Lilies

Dreams. Been having detailed, extravagant work dreams, where my job is kind of like living on a huge, stressful cruise ship where I can hide easily but still have responsibilities and pressures dogging me at every turn. And elevators. Lots of waiting on elevators, getting on the wrong elevators, not seeing the right buttons, trying to avoid talking to people. I Googled "elevator dreams" and found that they're quite common, but are usually more nightmarish, like with the elevator speeding up uncontrollably and shooting through the top of the building. I think my elevators are just indicators of stress. Also having dreams where I'm arguing with loved ones and searching desperately for people and questioning motives and...it's been exhausting, really.

Food. I lost about six pounds, then gained some back, and at this point have lost about 5.4 pounds total. But it seems like days and days go by where all I want to do is eat crackers and drink wine. Some days it's so easy to stay on track. I need more of those days. Any suggestions?

Music. All I want to listen to lately are 60s and 70s lady folk singers. This past Saturday I pulled out Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds' The Boatman's Call for the first time in about 10 years and now I can't stop listening to it. It's such a deep plunge into the psyche. Just what I need right now.

Clothes. Trying to summon spring:

Blue Bird

I've been kind of up and down lately. Cheerful mornings sliding into wistful, melancholy afternoons. I feel like my subconscious is making decisions for me that I don't know about yet.

Do you guys know about this song? Comin' Back to Me by Jefferson Airplane. It comes on one of my Pandora stations every once in a while and it always slays me.

I stood in front of this today and managed to not buy a single one:

That's progress, right? 

Guess I'll let my subconscious do its thing.

It's All Over Now

Last day in the office in 2010. Fluffy pom-pom shoes.

I want the dress on this album cover. Birthing animal kingdom optional.

Bangs of Sadness

I've had this song on repeat in my car the past few days. One of her best performances. She looks so beautiful in this video.

The Carpenters, "Superstar." (I wish I could figure out how to embed video...)

Photo from http://pandik.wordpress.com/2010/10/19/noise-makers/.

Don't Worry, I'm With Friends this Christmas

I could be remembering this wrong, but I think my first listening of this song probably went something like this: sophomore year of high school, my best friend's older brother brought home the Erasure EP "Crackers International" and we listened to it on the stereo in his room, which was attached to their house but had its own separate entrance, making it our hip little hideaway. We would hang out in there listening to the latest 4AD releases and Sisters of Mercy 12-inch singles and figuring out what to wear to Pink Caddy.

This is a really sweet and underlooked song. Captures that wistful, wishing sadness and regret that Christmas can bring. I wish I'd been able to find a better video or live performance.

Listen to Erasure, "She Won't Be Home"

photo cred: amazon

Maybe I'll Clear My Junk, Maybe I'll Just Get Drunk

I am not one of those people who complains when she first starts hearing Christmas music in stores...I am a person who smiles when this happens. I LOVE Christmas music. I know it's mostly nostalgia for childhood memories and happy hopefulness for that mythical and elusive "Christmas feeling" but I have no problem with that!

Not all of my favorite Christmas songs are jolly and joyful, though. This one is very dear to me: Hard Candy Christmas by Dolly Parton. I first heard this on her RCA greatest hits collection and I had no idea until recently that it was written by someone else for Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. I guess the girls get together and sing it, which I suppose is fitting since it's a song about regrets and trying to move on, things I imagine working girls (especially those in a musical) ponder quite a bit.

"Maybe I'll dye my hair/ maybe I'll move somewhere/ maybe I'll get a car/ maybe I'll drive so far they'll all lose track/ me, I'll bounce right back." Yep, it's a Christmas song and I think its touchpoints are really accurate. Another year is coming to an end, you're thinking about all you've done and haven't done and how you could change everything. "I'm barely getting through tomorrow/ but still I won't let sorrow bring me way down."

This song really complements Dolly's "Light of a Clear Blue Morning." I think I have the album it appears on, 1977's New Harvest...First Gathering, on vinyl. Doesn't she look gorgeous on the cover? If you haven't heard either, you should indulge yourself in both.

Today's Necessary Purchase

Those boots! Kate, you little minx. 1978 must have been quite a year for you.

When the Rain Washes You Clean, You'll Know

It's a dreary, rainy day, a perfect setting for the earthy, witchy woman vibes I've been trying to capture in outfits lately.

The pendant is made up of pewter rose claws holding a glass marble orb with a little prism thing inside of it. A gift from my best friend ages ago. The ring is vintage; a fake amber oval surrounded by prismatic rhinestones. Nails: Sally Hansen Tracy Reese Fall 2010 Problem Child. Deep purple with shimmer and glass flecks.

Another 30 for 30 cheat day. I missed this dress.

Oh but this, this is incredible. I need some platform boots now. Stevie, I still want to be you when I grow up.

Today's soundtrack: Stevie, Heart, Florence and the Machine.